“So then I says, ‘It’s a limited-time offer, Toots. This mustache don’t part for just any pretty little face.’ “
” ‘Wanna ride the world’s biggest leprechaun?’ What the hell was I thinking?”
“It turns out I’m allergic to volumizer. Talk about irony.”
“That’s right, it’s a Bugle Boy. The chicks dig it.”
“Hey babygirl, you dig the ‘chops? I call ‘em thigh warmers.”
“Howdy. My name is Don, but everyone calls me OH GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!”
” ‘27’ is the weight of my mustache in ounces.”
“Why does everyone keep saying I’m creepy? Oh, right, the face.”
“Why do you guys call me ‘Spook’? I’d say you’re all racists, but…I’m white.”
“Before there was ‘the Rachel’, everyone was begging their hairdresser for the Jose.”
